so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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