No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
