I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
