So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
