why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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