She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
