I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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