plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
