I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
