A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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