Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
