i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
