So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
