Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
