my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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