do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
