I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
