Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
