HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
