Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
