We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
