i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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