We named our party play list daddy issues
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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