I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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