party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
