My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize