One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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