Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
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