Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
