Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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