I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
