I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My first STD was from a foam party
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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