its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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