I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I puked a lego.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
