im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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