i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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