I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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