she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
