you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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