it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
