can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
