I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
