i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
