Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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