I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
