Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
