You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
