I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Small penises have feelings too.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
