My sheets look like a crime scene.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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