i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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