I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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