so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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