he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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