I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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