i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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