Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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