I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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