friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
