I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
