So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
