Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
