party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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