i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
