I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
