At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
