is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
