I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
