Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
